NEWS FLASH!
IMPORTANT
BREAKING SESAME STREET NEWS!
AP Online
AP 11/17 2:55 EDT V055
Copyright 1994. All Rights
Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird,
the famed friendly muppet of Sesame Street, has
apparently gone on a
rampage. Several muppets are known to be dead;
including Prairie Dawn,
Oscar the Grouch, and Bert -- long time friend, room-
mate, and occasional lover
of Ernie. The bird is now reportedly holding
Maria hostage in a five
floor tenement near Hooper's Store. New York City
Police SWAT teams have
surrounded the building.
AP Online
AP 11/17 4:26 EDT V743
Copyright 1994. All Rights
Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird,
Sesame Street muppet, is reported dead at this
hour after an
hour-and-a-half hostage standoff with New York City
Police.
Kermit-The-Frog, Sesame
Street Muppet on the scene, reports that as police
stormed the five story
tenement building where the bird was holding Maria
hostage, Big Bird flew out
an upper story window at them in a Kamikaze-like
attack. Police SWAT units
brought down the bird in a hail of automatic
weapons fire. Dead are:
Prairie Dawn, Oscar the Grouch, Bert, and Big Bird.
There is no information
available concerning Maria.
AP Online
AP 11/17 8:47 EDT V246
Copyright 1994. All Rights
Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- The
Professor and his assistant, Beaker, muppet chemists,
have reportedly found
angel dust in Big Bird's feed. Big Bird was killed by
Police early this morning
after the bird went on a killing spree on Sesame
Street. Maria, taken
hostage during the ordeal, has survived unharmed. Three
muppets were killed by the
bird: Prairie Dawn (a friendly, pig-tailed muppet
girl-child), Oscar the
Grouch (a green garbage-can dwelling grumpy muppet)
and Bert (the famous gay
paper clip collector and pigeon friend).
Authorities in the area
report that the bad seed was purchased at the local
Hooper's.
AP Online
AP 11/17 11:15 EDT V543
Copyright 1994. All Rights
Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Police
are asking all motorists and humans to stay away
from Sesame Street today
as tensions are running high among the muppets.
Many reportedly are
outraged at the tainted food supply and at how the
police handled the hostage
situation. According to bystanders on the scene
at the time, Mr.
Snuffalupagus pleaded with police to be allowed to talk
Big
Bird down. Instead, police
stormed the building with deadly results. Ernie
is said to be despondent
at the loss of his good buddy Bert.
AP Online
AP 11/17 17:25 EDT V927
Copyright 1994. All Rights
Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Violence
erupted again on Sesame Street at five o'clock this
afternoon. As thousands of
humans driving home took a sightseeing tour of the
scene of Big Bird's deadly
rampage, muppets became enraged. Hundreds of
muppets, large and small,
stalked the streets and surrounded humans in their
cars. In at least one
case, ten muppets pulled a motorist from his car and
beat him with large,
styrofoam letters. Police again arrived on the scene in
force. At this hour, quiet
is restored -- but tensions are very high.
AP Online
AP 11/18 0:47 EDT V211
Copyright 1994. All Rights
Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Police
and fire units have been called to Sesame Street.
Reporters on the scene
describe a nightmarish atmosphere. Furry muppets
ranging in size from only
inches to seven feet in height are looting
Hooper's Store and
firebombing the entire neighborhood. Orange and blue
firelight is rising over
many buildings. Cardboard backdrops, props, and
storehouses full of
numbers and letters are burning to the ground. Muppets
are taunting firemen and
police from windows high above the street with
counting and alphabet
songs.
AP Online
AP 11/18 9:24 EDT V482
Copyright 1994. All Rights
Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Morning
light has brought an eerie calm to Sesame Street
after a night of rioting.
Smoke rises from most buildings. On the street,
lifeless, crumpled fur
lies in mute testament of the night of wild outrage.
Unknown numbers of muppets
have died or been shot to death by Police in full
riot gear. Here and there,
a muppet--still animated with life--can be seen
staring at the wreckage,
or sweeping vacantly at the rubble. The Count was
reported running down the
street crying and yelling, :"Ten, Ten Lifeless
Muppet Bodies!" No
humans were killed in the rioting, although several
people reported rug-burns.
AP Online
AP 11/19 15:35 EDT V335
Copyright 1994. All Rights
Reserved.
NEW YORK
NEW YORK (AP) -- Ernie,
gay friend and roommate of the murdered muppet
Bert, broke his two day
silence today with a eulogy address at a mass
muppet funeral. The
following is the complete transcript of his address:
I come here today to
honor a man I loved. A man who was loved by millions
throughout the world. Bert
was a giant among muppets. His paper-clip collection
was viewed with awe by
many of the world's leaders. Just a few years ago, as
President Clinton
campaigned on Sesame Street for the muppet vote, it was
Bert
who everyone turned to for
advice. It was Bert who told us all, "anyone who
can hang as many
paperclips together as Bill Clinton, can certainly run
the
country."
I also come here today
to honor Big Bird. Bird was such a loving creature.
His large size and bright
color alarmed many who first met him, but it was
his innocent and curious
nature which taught us all to love him. Bird
wouldn't have wanted us to
remember him, or to memorialize him, with
violence. All he ever
wanted was for all creatures to "just get
along" with
each other. Big Bird has
come to a bad end, friends, but is wasn't his fault.
It was just some bad seed.
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